Emotional Roller Coaster, Parenting Teens and ‘Tweens
- Ryan Gilbert
- May 29, 2024
- 4 min read
Parenting and Mental Health – Recently, here at Breathe & Eat Chocolate, we did a deep dive into research, trying to find some quality resources for parents of a ‘tween or teenager. Parents need some modern insight, new science and encouragement on dealing with the crazy daily ebbs and flows and the many things related to thoughts, feelings, learning experiences and growth connected to raising a teenager or a ‘tween. For us, one specific book stood out from the rest. It is a scholarly resource, a book written a few years ago called, The Teenage Brain by neurologist Frances E. Jensen, MD.
As a parent myself to a ‘tween, almost teen, I know there are many other parents looking for simplification or a greater understanding of dealing with the various topics and challenges of being a parent and protecting our young kids from important topics such as: mental health challenges, technology, safety, education, sex education, and addictions just to name a few.
The Science Behind the Teenage Brain
Preventive care and diving into new science with the adolescent brain and adolescent thoughts can help parents understand better their kids’ thinking and their emotions, very similar to an emotional roller coaster ride for both the growing kids and for the parents. As a parent, you can feel extremely proud of your kid one second, and feel desperate or disappointed seconds later.
Author Frances Jensen frames it this way saying:
“Thoughts, feelings, movements, and moods are nothing more than neurons communicating by sending electrical messages to one another.”
As a parent, this type of simplification and framing from above can be helpful. We see our kids growing up fast, gaining new weight, muscle and height and looking like young adults but we need to pump the brakes and be patient with our teens. The brain development, especially the “frontal and prefrontal lobes take time to develop” according to what scientist and author Jensen writes about with the slow transformation of this important step from adolescents to young adults. Patience is key.
Talk with Your Kids
One of the keys of helping your child or teenager be safe from harm, from our recent research, is them understanding the risks and the negative outcomes that come from unhealthy behavior, or from poor decisions. To understand it a bit more, Frances Jensen explains problems with teens saying:
“Their underdeveloped frontal cortex means they have trouble seeing ahead, or understanding the consequences of their independent acts, and are therefore ill equipped to weigh the relative harms of risky behavior.”
The solution to this challenge is to offer them positive information. In other words, talk with your kids. By being a role model so our teens can see in real-time what is looks like and feels like when good decisions are made and reflect a bit more on difficult decisions.
Take the time to talk to your kids, explain the pros and cons of decisions so the learning can begin. As the learning evolves, they will experience their own battle scars in due time. There is no avoiding life’s battle scars.
Our young kids must be in the world and experiencing the ups and downs of life. But we have to understand that teen brains' reward and response to dopamine can be different due to “connectivity” and how it is connected to consequences, risks and rewards due to the delayed frontal brain area development.
In other words, it’s complicated. But don’t avoid talking to your kids and encourage them to think things over, pause a bit on decisions, try to think things through and reflect on how things would make you feel. Also helpful is for them look at things through a different lens, different perspectives and how decisions, outcomes and repetition is good for teenagers and their long-term health.
A Resilient Teenager
Young people need to learn from their mistakes so they can become more resilient though their own trials and tribulations. This involves new learned behavior, new positive thoughts and more thoughtful actions. All young people have the ability to be resilient and respond to stress.
New research is confirming that as parents in the modern world, we have to help them by giving them encouragement, not punishment, so they feel safe and have authentic support.
Dr. Jensen expands on this subject explaining how new scientific evidence supports that teenage brains are different from adult brains. Stress effects teenagers but parents can assist with helping them set attainable goals and focus on one step at a time, not multitasking. Supporting teens and explaining how having boundaries from toxic relationships or certain environments that can have negative interference with their positive growth will help them prosper.
Conclusion
Much more new science is needed to learn more about teenagers and parenting. But a few things have been confirmed that communication, discipline over punishment, patience, encouragement, active listening, helping them set limits, positive environment, team effort, setting healthy boundaries are just a few important elements parents need to assist their kids with the complicated teen years.
New studies have confirmed that children’s brains will continue to change and mold by “environmental influences,” into the early twenties. To repeat what was mentioned earlier, patience is needed by parents.
New research and resources on these topics are hard to find, but there are a lot of solutions available in our communities. But it starts with a caring heart and an attitude and expectations of putting in the hard work with your children, being present daily.
Over time, good parenting that includes unconditional love paired with critical thinking skills will put us in the best position to succeed and see our kids thrive and become resilient young adults.
Book author, Sue Atkins, who specializes on parenting issues has a great quote on the subject of parenting, saying:
“There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.”
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