The Pool Is Yours: How Men Can Stop Swimming in Debt

Breathe & Eat Chocolate recently decided, after deep research, to focus more on a specific audience: men. In short, men are often forgotten, minimized, and taught not to be vulnerable. This is now a safe space for men to read, daydream, and gain some inner peace, or simply a place for toxic masculinity to melt and disappear.

Illustration for Breathe & Eat Chocolate - Mental health for men who don't do mental health

Our independent website tagline says it plainly: Mental health for men who don't do mental health. We continue exploring a category that needs to be addressed far more in men's spaces, without all the bravado, ego, and pride. Finances and debt.

It was just on the front page of The Wall Street Journal recently, a new article titled "Americans Strain to Pay Down $1.25 Trillion Credit-Card Bill." To summarize a few key points:

This year, the percentage of credit card balances that are 90 or more days delinquent is now at a new 15-year high of 13.12%, according to new data. On average, Americans carry about $6,600 in credit card debt, with many users carrying well over $10,000 in balances, sometimes 30 to 60 days past due on their minimum payment, with compounded late fees and high interest rates above 20% adding to a growing, heavier balance.

The old saying, there is no silver bullet, is fitting here.

As an IAPDA Certified Debt Specialist, I saw firsthand that for many men, young and old, swimming in debt begins the moment they decide not to pay off their full balance before the payment due date and instead carry a persistent balance. When the balance is not at zero every month, that is when you go for a swim in debt and get hit hard with interest rate fees, especially when the outstanding balance is high. If you only pay that minimum balance, which is genius marketing by the credit card companies by the way, you end up with a balance you may never fully pay off.

Picture it this way: swimming in a pool with debt. By not paying off your outstanding balances each month, the water just got very deep and very dark, and you have now invited, or given permission to, deadly predatory fish to join you for a swim. We are talking Bull Sharks, Moray Eels, and Great Whites.

Life Lessons Learned

Look, I learned the hard way too. To practice vulnerability, I struggled with finances and debt for too many years. My wife and I first had to accept that we had a problem. We were spending more than we were saving. Next, we agreed the blame game was off the table. We were both guilty of not managing our money correctly. We did our research and found a nonprofit counseling organization to help us manage a plan to pay back the full debt to our creditors, reduce our monthly interest, and build some real financial skills to change our day-to-day habits, with better outcomes tied to our spending and saving.

Years later, after finally becoming debt free, after many sacrifices, including no vacations since it's a want, not a need, falling into the category of wasteful spending, I took a job with one of the top debt relief companies. Let's just say I learned a lot, and unfortunately not all of it was good. Ultimately, I felt bamboozled.

Another life lesson learned.

To be blunt, many banks and financial institutions are in the business to make money, and they probably do not have your best interest at heart in most cases.

What many people might not know is that there is a major difference between reaching out to your local nonprofit credit union for financial help and reaching out to a for-profit debt relief company. If you are ever considering reaching out to the private sector for help with your debt, such as a debt relief or debt settlement company, beware.

If their marketing pitch is to "stop paying your credit cards entirely," and it comes with a fee structure where you "repay only a portion," or charge upfront fees, you just invited venomous fish into your already dangerous pool. Think Lionfish and Pufferfish, now swimming alongside the predators already circling you and your debt.

In contrast, nonprofit credit counseling organizations are educational and regulated. They help you set up a payment plan for the full debt you owe, and they are typically only permitted to charge a small monthly service fee. They can be incredibly helpful, guiding you on managing your money and debt, but they will never advise you to stop paying your creditors. Your credit score will only take a minimal hit. There are other trustworthy resources as well, such as the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and your local community credit union, both backed by compliance and state regulations.

But with many of those for-profit companies, and I am not naming names, though I could, you will often enter a debt relief agreement that charges you thousands of dollars in fees, lets interest charges compound daily, thrashes your credit score for years as accounts go into default, and leaves you wide open to a lawsuit from creditors or collection agencies who have every legal right to sue and recover what you owe. Yes, that is another potent toxin entering the water. The Stonefish just joined the swim.

Conclusion

To practice acceptance, taking accountability and swimming with your debt for a bit is humbling and yet a satisfying life lesson. We are here trying to be our true, authentic selves.

There are no real shortcuts to building a strong credit history, a solid score, or genuine financial wellness. It is a daily habit, a daily grind, to hold yourself accountable for what is coming in and what is going out. That is the most honest thing I can share with you.

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